Real Talk: What Happens When You Develop ‘Disordered Eating’ & Feel You Need To Be Thin To Be Loved

I’ve been there. And I’m not afraid to admit it. This is as real as it gets.


These are the things that have helped me along the way. I hope they help you too xo


  • Forgive yourself for your past. It’s not your fault – feel that in your heart. Having a bad relationship with your body is incredibly common these days, sadly. We living in a very image obsessed world – where we comparing ourselves to bikini models we see on our Instagram feeds – the bodies of people who have been airbrushed/starved/photo shopped – and aren’t feeling very good in their own lives most of the time. It’s unrealistic, it’s dangerous. Being thin/changing your body is just a part of our culture.  Anything you’ve done that you feel angry at yourself or someone else for – it’s time to let it go. When you let go – you heal.


  • Deal with your anxiety. Anxiety worsens your relationship with food and your body. Anxiety can be debilitating. Follow my tips on healing your anxiety here.


  • You need to accept your body as it is now and your unique body shape – constantly trying to change your body adds so much STRESS to your life and body. Often we have unrealistic body goals because of the media. It’s crazy. You need to find a realistic body target – I mean, really realistic.


  • Think carefully about your definition of beautiful. Make up your own definition of beautiful! For me it used to be – skinny. And honestly after years of healing myself, I have this amazing new idea of what beautiful truly looks like. For me its – waking up healthy, having glowing skin and clear eyes, thick hair, good energy, feeling comfortable in my clothes, feeling content and feeling confident within myself.  Looking back, when I was my skinniest – I looked gaunt, tired, pale and so sad. My hair was falling out and my zest for life disappeared – not so beautiful. What Hollywood deems beautiful – is not true. You are too precious to compare yourself to that.


  • Food is here to keep us alive and well – to nourish us from the inside out. It’s a good thing. Let of go this mentality that food is ‘good or bad’. Balanced eaters never deem food as good or bad because they know this isn’t a way to treat their bodies. They eat well most of the time but also practice indulgence in moderation. No more of that sort of thinking. Commit to wholefoods and remember indulgence is a part of balance. Be kind to yourself. see food as a good thing that gives your body energy to enjoy life. Give yourself permission to enjoy all foods in moderation.


  • Deal with your pain – see a therapist. I’m saying this with kindness and empathy – you need to sit with your pain. Don’t run from it. Its ok to feel sad, lonely, angry, down – cry. Cry! Crying is so important. Its ok to feel bad sometimes. Life isn’t always so nice as my mom says. But it will pass. Look forward – your future is bright. Seeing a therapist is a very good first step. Crying is such a good release.


  • Be vulnerable – it’s healing. It healed me.


  • Rest more – this restore your body. Go into the SFZ everyday. Why? Resting more calms anxiety and helps you to reconnect to your body.


  • Don’t rely on mirrors and photos – they can be deceiving. If you have a complex relationship with food you probably have body dysmorphia to some degree. You will see yourself bigger than you probably are.


  • Comfort your inner child – picture yourself at 3 years old. That darling kind innocent face who never stopped smiling, giggling and playing. Would you tell her she is ugly, fat, unloved and unworthy? Do you know – you are still that person. Every time I find myself saying nasty things to myself – I think of little Jess and how much she doesn’t deserve that. I’m still that Jess. You are too precious for anything but kind words.


  • ACCEPT that healing a broken relationship with food and your body DOES take time. It just does. It can take years. It has taken me years and I am still in therapy for it. Be ok with that. It is a journey. Stop beating yourself up about healing sooner. Just focus on the healing journey – look ahead as much as you can. Divert all your attention to getting well. You may always have this struggle to some extent. Often disordered eating stays with you for life. I just manage my struggle. I have the tools in my box to deal with the negative thought and bad moments.



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