Real Talk: Where I Think My Disordered Eating Came From

I spent most of my teenage life in a big battle with my body and food.


I was about 13 years old when I developed this ‘disordered relationship with food’.

I grew up in a very wholesome and balanced environment. We were always taught how to eat with balance. Food was nourishment. Deprivation with food certainly wasn’t what we knew.

However, I discovered dieting in high school and for years and years I become a chronic fad dieter. I fell out of touch with my own body. Food governed my life in such an unhealthy controlling way. Being skinny became my goal in life. My weight became a reflection of my self worth.

This blog began as I was transitioning from being a controlling fad-dieter to becoming more relaxed with food – a wholefoods eater.


The whole point of healing a broken relationship with food or your body is uncovering WHY you have ended up with this battle with your body in the first place. It’s never about the food – there is always an underlying emotional or behavioural cause.

Usually it’s because you have fallen out of love with yourself.

Usually it’s because you have become disconnected to your own beautiful body.

It is usually because you don’t feel worthy. You don’t feel good enough. This usually results in making poor health choices for your body – because you simply don’t feel worthy of feeling your best.

When you have developed a complicated relationship with food and weight – its usually because you feel you are fat, ugly and unlovable. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

The good news is that you can change this. It does take time though. Hang in there.


So, after years of being in therapy healing myself and being in practice with patients, these are some of the factors that cause us to have a complex relationship with food:

  • Control – desire to control situations/environments that perhaps feel out of control – lack of trust in life.
  • Self-punishment/torture – as a result of self-hatred and self-doubt. Bingeing is a good example of this.
  • Distraction of painful feelings – being obsessed with food and weight becomes a great distraction of feelings that may be overwhelming you.
  • Not feeling good enough/worthy – feeling like you have to be ‘a good girl/boy’ in order to be loved and appreciated.
  • Perfectionism – if you ‘look perfect’ you will be more ‘loved’ and feel happier in life. Perhaps it will also make you more popular?
  • Competitive nature – typical ‘A’ type personalities – everything needs to be in control and perfectly perfect, at all times. I totally admit to being like this.
  • Need for attention/love – feeling ‘lonely in the world’. I felt this for many years as a teenager.
  • Familial – often disordered eating can trickle down from family members who have also suffered from disordered eating or family members who comment/criticise eating habits at home.
  • Societal pressure – seeing skinny models on our social media feeds fuels the pressure to be skinny in order to be loved/appreciated/accepted.
  • If you are at the point of depriving/starving yourself with food – emotionally, it is because you may be denying yourself the ability to enjoy life because you don’t feel worthy of it. You are so worthy, my love. You are worthy of the most beautiful life. I also didn’t feel worthy (not so long ago). I get you. I get your pain. But I promise you, you are so precious. It is time to give your body the love it deserves.


Next week I will share some of the tips I used to heal the above issues which ended up helping me heal my relationship with food and my body.


I am here for you, all the way! xox JS

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