How I Found Healthy Love

Most of you my beautiful followers may have seen a picture or two on instagram of my man, Dean. He is very private- hates instagram and most social media- so he will kill me when he reads I have written a post about him!! But I thought I would share something personal with you all once in a while..photo

About 2 years ago I was a girl looking for love in all of the wrong places.

Lost. Sad. Broken hearted. My self-esteem was shot. I battled with who I was. I felt rejected and undervalued. My behavior was a manifestation of my pain and loss of self-dignity. I drank too much, ate to be skinny (but I was only getting fatter), I was sleep deprived, partying around the world- Lost and insecure. My poor hormones were totally out of balance. I was a healthy mess.

I came out of a 4/5-year turbulent relationship that destroyed my self-esteem and the essence of who I was.  This relationship defined me. I know so many of you have been through the same kind of journey. A break up can really break you. But I let it…

You don’t have to let it…

Dean was my catalyst who picked me back up.

2 years ago today I met Dean. He changed my world. He opened my heart. Taught me what true love was. He is my mentor; my best friend and I believe he brings out the very best in me. I honestly dedicate my health to him.

Dean was the one who reminded me that I am worth more. He reminded me that my life was in my hands and I could no longer blame it on everything and any one else. He was my catalyst who picked me up and taught me that my life is ready to bloom, that I could have the most spectacular life if I wanted and that I am good enough just as I am. (My previous partner had made me feel the opposite). And that I have so much to offer the world. And my journey of self-love and healing began. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

So why am I writing to all of you about this? Because I have a lesson to share…

Looking back now I can see clearly how my past relationship was really impacting on my health without even knowing it. Feelings of disappointment and betrayal from a relationship will absolutely manifest into bodily stress and trauma. Our body listens closely to all we do and FEEL. I NEEDED my previous boyfriend (a result of him making me feel so insecure). I allowed the relationship to define who I was, this love, is not healthy. Consequently my health declined too. Every medical test reflected this: I developed cysts on my ovaries, my cortisol (stress hormone) was sky high, my weight was creeping up (from all of the stress, alcohol and late night comfort food I am sure), my skin was breaking out into shingles (true sign of anxiety) and I had unstoppable reflux.

I truly believe a healthy relationship will and should enhance the healthiest version of you!

My relationship now is based on a healthy mutual respect, not neediness. We are there for one another unconditionally. We don’t need to hear from each other or see each other 24/7. We absolutely love it when we are together but we allow that process to happen naturally. We do not play games and challenge each other to get some kind of reaction that I know so many of us feel we need. There are no tests of love.

He picks me up when I feel down and I do the same for him. We feel no need to explain to any one what we have or how we feel. We aren’t interested in creating an image.  Trust is an unspoken topic because they’re no doubts, ever. It is a stress-free relationship!

Is he the one? I hope so. But who knows!  I purely wanted to remind you that our relationships are a very important part of the health equation and I want to encourage you to think about if your relationship is benefiting your health. I hope it is! But YOU are the master of your choices.

I look back on my past with love and compassion. I was just trying to find my way. We are all just want love.

All you need is a reminder that you are worth it…

You are worth it!

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  • Claire

    I am so grateful that you have shared this Jessica. It is somewhat uplifting to hear that there is someone who shared the same story as myself! I hope to get through this tough patch and improve my overall well being just like you have done. Thank you for sharing this, and all of your wonderful posts. I love them and your website!

    Claire xx

    • I am so grateful for your support Claire! I have no doubt you will get through this time and look back with some much appreciation because it will teach you so much. Be patient and kind to yourself.

  • Stephanie

    That’s awesome!! Everyone deserves that! So happy for you & nice work 🙂

  • Casey

    Hi Jess,

    Thank you for the share! I am curious as to your take on the result of the ovary cysts? What do you see the connection as being?

    Many thanks!

  • Laura

    Hi Jessica,

    I can totally relate to this post – it’s all too common and the stories are the same, reading this it could have easily been my situation and a few other friends I know of too.

    The warning signs are all there and when you feel better without your partner around then that’s a sure sign. I was with my partner for 7 years and put up with so much and was always there for him, never in return, he brought me down in every way possible, it was so draining to be around him and try to be the one to make it work. I honestly felt like I was alone a lot of the time emotionally and physically – for 7 years I tried to make it work. You can’t regret these things as you wouldn’t grow into the person that you are today.

    Your partner should support you, encourage you, laugh with you and when your down they do everything they can to cheer you up and make you feel like you can achieve anything! It’s certainly a great feeling when you find this x

  • Julie Beth

    I think that is great .. And find myself in a similar downward spiral from stress .. My question to you is how you started to work on it , and what the process is ??
    I need a little help getting back to me ?
    Feeling sick and inflated !!
    Mtnjeepgrl

  • Jen

    This is my first visit to your website and I cried when I read this! Having been overweight most of my life I found what I thought was self esteem in a very bad relationship which ended two years ago. Since then I have been on an unhealthy cycle of yoyo dieting and completely lost my sense of self. I have moved on from the relationship, but the habits I used to do so have become so difficult to break. I desperately want to become healthy, but at the same time I stop myself with conscious and addictive unhealthy habits. It’s so nice to hear a positive story that shows, whilst the right support is crucial, the only person who can really change a life is the one living it. Can’t wait to explore the rest of your site!

    • I am so so grateful that we share the same story. We are all in this together. Hope I can continue to support your joinery

  • Emma

    Hi Jessica, this story is so inspiring. I just came out of a pretty unhealthy relationship with a guy who completed contradicted my values and my ambition for health. I think because I accepted it all for so long, I lost a bit of myself and my confidence.

    It’s really motivating to read that you have found someone who brings out the best in you! I love hearing stories about people who had the strength to leave a toxic relationship and find healthier love 🙂 So congratulations!

    You are such an inspiration,

    keep it up!

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