I am getting incredibly excited: my wedding is 3 months away. It really is a special time, planning and preparing and spending quality moments with the people I love.
And I can honestly say that I have remained a very calm and present bride-to-be. I haven’t allowed the little details to stress me. I haven’t been controlling – which is a huge accomplishment considering what a perfectionist I am! I have surrendered to it and have had full trust that the day will be all I have ever wished for.
However – I would be lying if I said I haven’t put pressure on myself to look and feel my best for the day.
The old Jess creeps back in sometimes. I can be so mean to myself! That old mentality starts putting all kinds of rules restrictions on myself – in the pursuit of perfection. Which is funny (and frustrating) because I have certainly learned that perfection does not exist.
Still, the old perfectionist in me puts ideas in my head. Things like:
- No alcohol for 6 month – JESS! (Needless to say, this totally backfired)
- Pressure to sleep well every night – backfired! In fact, when I try to force this I find I don’t sleep well at all
- Pressure to exercise a little more than usual
- Not treating myself like I normally would with foods I enjoy
- Silly thoughts like “Jess, you should have almond milk in your coffee instead of your favorite full cream milk….”
And what is the funny thing about all of this? What I know for sure?
When I put all these pressures on myself, my body gets filled with stress. And I find I actually want those things, like alcohol or extra indulgent foods, more and drive my mind crazy over them – whereas before I placed those restrictions on myself, I didn’t give them much thought at all.
See, my mind obsesses over it. And this is NOT healthy.
My body functions best when there is less stress and pressure. I am my healthiest when I surrender to being imperfect.
But restriction + deprivation = obsession = stress = unhealthy relationship with food.
This is the old me.
These days I choose to be kind to myself, not cruel. Can you do the same?
Fortunately this is a very rare moment for me. This mindset used to be my everyday occurrence. Now these anxieties pop up only every now and then – and I feel I have the tools in my toolbox to DEAL with these. I talk a lot about how I got to this place in my book, The Healthy Life.
These day I choose to be kind to myself, not cruel. The fact is that the wedding has been a little triggering and I feel so grateful I have this blog to express these IMPERECT feelings. Because I am not 100% perfect or 100% healed. I am still on the journey, and I know you are too. We are in this together. Supporting each other.
Here for you!